Sunday, November 12, 2017

Restraint

Self-restraint and I,
we aren't exactly allies...
We tend to pace angrily
in opposite corners of a vast ballroom,
each aware of the other
and a possible symbiosis that should exist between us--
who the parasite,
who the host?
If I advance,
self-restraint retreats;
if that holy asshole approaches 
I writhe in agony,
like a demon splashed with blessed water.
Sometimes,
I dance so close to my nemesis
that our cheeks almost touch,
our steps so synchronized
that we are almost one body.
But
there are times
            when I feel ripples of self-restraint roll across my skin,
like when I manage to keep myself from
going to you,
dozens of small times a day;
as I manage to not
reach out
to touch your face 
while we chat about the weather 
or the athletic achievements of millionaires.
My arch-enemy crawls across my landscape
slicing into me with the assertion of his-way-not-mine,
not my greedy, devouring, lust-filled way,
I lose, I lose, I lose
                               to my foe,
as I refrain
from dragging you from your pedestal
from holding your face in my hands
from pulling you with me into a vortex of skin and panting...
My adversary defeats me
and I smile,
sigh with relief
and gratitude
for his unwelcome presence.

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