Rough Ride

The machine growls and purrs beneath me

so heavy

so solid.

I giggle as it lurches forward

pleased at my ability to control the beastly thing.

It rumbles along, doing exactly what I say,

following my gaze wherever I point it.

This beast is mine

but not quite tamed.

It listens too well,

but I don't have all the commands.

We take bites out of each other

and retreat to lick our wounds.

Ship/Wrecked

For now,
I have a reprieve
from the sea sickness caused
by my own feelings -
they are the waves
crashing against the sides
of my matchstick vessel,
tossing me about on the blue-grey expanse.
I am keeping my eyes on the horizon
and keeping you at arm's length.
I am nothing to you,
I am nothing to you,
I am nothing to you...
This, I repeat with each list of the hull -
I am nothing to you,
to the starboard,
I am nothing to you,
to port side...
Eyes locked on the line
where the ocean meets the sky.
I pace my breathing,
keeping myself steady,
keeping my heart
carefully tucked away,
out of reach of your charm.
The only way
to avoid disappointment
is to want nothing from you.
And give as little as possible.
Eyes on the horizon.
Steady breathing.

Addendum -

Perhaps a better mantra would be
You are nothing to me.
Let's give that one a shot.

Shifting Sands

Keeping you
at arm's length
is the greatest feat of strength
I've yet achieved.
My shoulders shake,
my skin weeps
with exertion.
My mind is a dark
and shrunken place -
I've closed all the doors
that lead to you,
leaving me
nowhere
to point my thoughts.