Retrospective

This morning....I comb through the archives and find little zings of joy.
I was looking for this piece on Restraint -
thinking of how I really do have incredible self-restraint,
since sometimes I am so consumed with Desire
that I have to sneak off and find release from the intensity.
I do wonder what you would think of all this,
but I suppose no one really knows what another is thinking,
or dreaming of.

Sermons Mounting

I'm still digesting that sermon on desire.
It filtered in, through the fog of joy
I'd been floating in since the weekend.
It landed pretty deep, right away,
and has continued to fan out
into the far reaches of my thoughts since then.
My immediate repsonse was to let go of a desire
to be desired.
Chop -
off with her hair.
Desire isn't inherently bad,
and it isn't regulated solely by religion.
It is -
   natural
   organic
   orgasmic...
Desire makes the world go 'round;
it isn't something to run from.
My need to be desirable has pushed me
toward better health,
and I savor the journey.
Letting go now just frees me
from the constant pursuit of an unattainable goal.
I worry, though,
about the preacher -
what is his fear?
What is he outrunning?
And will he win that race?

Why Can't I Get Just One -

I awake, panting.

Not with horror or grief, 

as is often the cause 

of such intensity following me from dream land,

but with raw, unmet desire.

I can still feel your lips on mine, 

and can almost smell your skin.

I try not to allow reality to resume control of my senses - 

swimming in sensory details of you,

and leaning hard 

back into sleep,

intent on satisfaction.

Wetlands

I'm walking alone in the rain
at least I think I am.
I keep hearing someone walking behind me,
but I turn and they disappear.
You
are walking with me,
but you often are -
filling my thoughts.
I run some things by you -
not strategic plans,
or innovations,
but scenes -
sensory moments falling through you like pebbles glittering in a stream.
Scenes of skin-on-skin,
scenes of tangled limbs and clutching -
nails going too deep
because I need to be closer
I need to be inside you
I need
you
to be
inside
me.