Swallowed

She feels like a dog snarling against a muzzle - 

she can't get the satisfaction of a good chomp, a good howl. 

Maybe that's just a by-product 

of her inability 

to obtain 

the object of her desire. 

She feels like a cat chasing a laser dot:

it's exhilarating for a while, 

but she never gets to sink her teeth into it, 

and this makes her growl with foot-stomping frustration. 

Tantrums...

for her
and 

      her kitty.

And so, instead of growling,

she takes a moment.

She breathes in slowly,

and out again,

creating some distance...

*
     *
   *
        *

Imagine leaning in to tell him

something mischievous,

and lightly cupping his face in one hand 

as you breathe/giggle words close to his ear.

Imagine the sparkle in your eyes

igniting the sparkle in his.

Maybe he would cock an eyebrow

as if to say, you can't be serious?

But

imagine that you were.

Imagine replying with a slight nod,

a mostly-suppressed grin,

before you turn and bound away.

Or, imagine rounding a corner

and nearly walking into him.

Imagine pulling him down the narrow aisle,

between the stacks of boxes and shadows.

Imagine him pressing the full length of his body against you,

and taking your face in his hands 

with the slight shake of his head 

before he covers your mouth with his

(as if he can't believe 

you've created this little pocket of devouring need, 

to be filled whenever and wherever you can).

Back up,

and imagine

in delicate detail

the feel of his mouth on yours.

Imagine his lips pressing, 

his tongue darting;

imagine sinking into the kiss

like a lifeboat.

Imagine stumbling back into the world

with shaky breath and wild eyes (and hair),

blinking your way back to an appearance of normalcy.

I'm not sure that imagining 

        like this

is at all helpful to the pursuit of freedom from desire.

There is a fine line between enjoying the tension it creates,

and being engulfed by it entirely...

You need to rein it in,

you know you do.

But maybe you want to push it a little further first.

Maybe you want to be the one to shove against a wall,

and maybe you want to pull a face to yours,

and maybe you would sink to your knees 

before he'd even figured out how the kiss happened

and maybe you would try to swallow him whole,

because maybe

that would satisfy your need.

Maybe.