Warm Saturdays in November

This trail... It keeps me.

Sometimes I will myself to float away

High above it all

Away

To otherness, of any kind

My heart holds all that matters,

So why not let my body drift into the ether?

Why not morph into the landscape or the clouds above -

become the rain and nourish the earth?

This trail is freedom and limits, all in one.

I float a little, tethered by its boundaries.

Relief

 Let me be your home. 

Not the building I sleep in, 

cook in,

bathe in -

But

My body - 

the warm beat of my heart, 

the soft touch of my skin on yours - let this form 

that houses my love for you 

be the place 

that brings you peace. 

Collapse into me 

and let me carry your weeping brokenness 

and your weary bones.

Fading

I wanted you to save me

I wanted you to be my new life story

but

instead

here we are

You drift into the river that needs to carry you onward, away

and I

well

I just spin around in circles,

caught in the eddy of all the converging currents.

Will I find my way forward?

Or am I just meant to drift into the quiet?

And if all that lies ahead of me is quiet, do I want to continue?

It feels like the right answer.

I should just be humble

and grateful for a place to be quiet.

I should let go of the thrill of discovery – 

of myself and others.

I should forget how it feels to fall

and just be happy I landed.

I should be dutiful and self-sacrificing, 

like my mother taught me.

I should find joy in others’ joy and fade into the background.

I should be grateful. I should be grateful.

 

Yours

I'll warn you, though...

I might leave marks... 

I might howl like a hurricane, 

and absorb you into my being... 

I might stop time 

so I can feel you inside me 

for an eternity 

in those brief moments

of your skin on mine.... 

I might...

   leave a bloody chunk of my heart splattered across your face, 

panting and glassy-eyed...

I might. 

I might survive without you, 

but I might not want to. 

Sunday Sermon

 It's not a sermon

Exactly

But my hope for us all

A day to rest

From my own thoughts

And desires. 

Both are massive, weighty, enormous burdens. 

I will float and doze and dream and 

Maybe

Find relief, refreshment, repentance.

Laughter with two of my favorite girls among the trees, 

Along the creek. 

Yes. 

I can be whole again... 

Someday. 

Hikers' Hitch

Remember this place?

I remember you,

even though you weren’t still there when I arrived.

I remember facing my fear of falling

as I walked along this narrow rock.

I remember feeling stronger than I ever had

and feeling like maybe I could fly

but grateful I didn’t have to.

I remember hearing the growl of a motorcycle echoing from a few years before,

and the determination of a kid who wandered this earth untethered –

I didn’t even know you existed, but I wanted to be near you.

I wasn’t ready for your untamed growling giggles yet

but I stood at the top of this rock and knew that someday I would be.

Fatal Devotion

 I am a crisp sheet of parchment

Golden, mottled

Words scratched across my surface with the silky black splashes of a quill

He is a flame

Licking at my edges

Gentle, warm

Until, with the hushed sound of my own insistent whimpers, he engulfs me all at once, and charges through me, leaving only ashes.