Fading

I wanted you to save me

I wanted you to be my new life story

but

instead

here we are

You drift into the river that needs to carry you onward, away

and I

well

I just spin around in circles,

caught in the eddy of all the converging currents.

Will I find my way forward?

Or am I just meant to drift into the quiet?

And if all that lies ahead of me is quiet, do I want to continue?

It feels like the right answer.

I should just be humble

and grateful for a place to be quiet.

I should let go of the thrill of discovery – 

of myself and others.

I should forget how it feels to fall

and just be happy I landed.

I should be dutiful and self-sacrificing, 

like my mother taught me.

I should find joy in others’ joy and fade into the background.

I should be grateful. I should be grateful.