Letdown

And I was so mad at you.
But I guess I should have been mad at myself
because I dove in pretty deep -
allowing you to captain my ship
allowing you to inspire me
(like a muse)
but I am not amused
anymore.
I misjudged you,
and that sends a slim wave of grief across my heart.
I wish you were real.
I miss the adrenaline rush of electric connection.
I miss the sparks flickering across my synaptic gaps,
neuron to neuron,
Zip, zip, zip!
You were the catalyst
I am the epiphany.
And now I can't get past
my own revelation.