Music in My Veins

A long weekend filled with live music -
                                talented musicians
                                   sexy lead singers
                                          great friends
                                            cold drinks

Tonight I drifted on two different clouds at once
up high
and down low -
the thoughts were smooth around the edges,
but sort of blurred out in the middle;
I wanted
to want
to be
wild and magnetic -
I didn't want to keep yawning,
and jokingly complaining about the excessive volume
(so hard to be witty when no one can hear you...)
The bar, so familiar, but
instead of a quiet week night,
and trivia with the crew,
it was a buzzing, thrumming place.
Happy.
Tart blueberry cider,
comfort and unfamiliarity
all mashed together;
that singer...
he looked so much like you
that I would have
used him
               as a substitute if I'd been able to slip away from reality.
But he was also just plain sexy of his own accord -
his reputation just dirty enough to increase the appeal.


         *   *   *   *   *

I've been weaning myself off
the euphoric adoration
that swelled within me for so long.
I think I'm winning the fight;
many days I feel so little
that I forget to even think dirty thoughts at all,
let alone to orchestrate paths through the boundaries that divide us.
It is a relief,
and also a loss.
I miss the glittering sense of purpose and meaning
that euphoria added to my daily grind,
but I am relieved to own myself again.
I am relieved to have not fallen through the ice
and drowned in frigid water
as I clawed at the unbreakable ceiling rushing overhead...
It's good to be free.